Submission???

Lately, God has placed marriage and family on my heart. I am not quite sure why. It could be that God wants me to have a marriage and family, or to help others with their own. Whatever the case, I have sought to understand more about the two from God's perspective.

I have read the Bible and watched many sermons, and several verses are many times referred to. Ephesians 5: 22-32 is a passage which is often used to explain how marriage should be. However, I have difficulty with the first three verses of the passage.

²² Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

What is my problem you may ask?  Well, it is the mention of the word submit three times.  I can't get away from it.  I feel like it is being drilled into my head.  Distress overcomes me when I think of submitting to a husband.  Come on he is human, he is not Jesus, why would God want me to submit to someone who is fallible?  Moreover, why would a husband be likened to Christ?

I am not totally opposed to the idea of submission.  I recognize the importance of submitting to figures in authority.  But, in democracies governments get voted out; children grow up and leave their parent's home; and if you don't feel like church leaders are living up to Godly standards, then there is always another church.

But marriage, in God's eyes - it's for life.  

In the original marriage vows written in England during the fifteen hundreds, the bride's vows were like this:

I,_____, take thee,_____, to my lawful wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth. 


Let's not get thrown off by troth.  It means "one's word or promise". So the bride gives her word, while the groom plight thee my troth, therefore, he was pledging his faithfulness to his promise. The obey part was omitted from the groom's vows.  Makes sense, as he wasn't the one who was supposed to submit.


In 1922, the Episcopalian church voted to eliminate the word obey from the bride's vows.  I guess I am not the only who was having issues with the word obey.  When I look up the Greek meaning of submit in the New Testament, it says "to subject one's self, obey". You may think that taking out this word out of the vows would make me feel better, but it doesn't.  If it is God's intention for wives to submit, then it should be there. A Christian wife's submitting to her husband, is of utmost significance next to submitting to God.  Just because the thought makes my heart palpitate, doesn't mean it's not right.  It is God's way.

We are so selfish that we will alter God's scriptures to fit our lives, thinking our Almighty Creator's Word is faulty.  Therefore, we fix it to make our lives more comfortable. God is not about our comfort, He is about His Kingdom.  However, our view is limited and we do not see the eternal value of His commands.

If God's purpose is for me to get married and have a family, then I must make the choice to put myself under my husband's authority.  I don't know why I worry about submitting. The fact is that my husband would have greater responsibility than I would in the family. His role is to be like Christ. Those are big sandals to fill. If he doesn't treat me the way he should, then he has to answer to my Heavenly Father.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7


I am hoping that if I ever have a husband he will understand this. Not every man is ready to follow God's prescribed methods for leading a family. Therefore, the onus is on me to rely on God to line up His man for me. My rights should be given up and my will placed under God first. I need to be patient as God prepares me and the husband He has for me.  And if He doesn't have a husband for me, then I still need to submit to God's will.  


I believe I have a hard time with submission because it is hard for me to trust. I learned early never to trust a man who says, "Trust me." If he has to implore me to trust him, then something is awry and trust me, I'll be out. Also, as I mature as a Christian, I realize that God won't choose for me who I think is best for me. I am of the opinion that I am a good judge of character...well come to think of it, my history may not back that up. Alright, God's choice may be the best, even though I may like it.  God is shaping me into His character and His selection of a mate may grate me. That would be God's modus operandi to smooth out my rough edges.  


In spite of this, He loves me and my husband-to-be, and if we both submit to Him, it will be a beautiful union according to God's holy ordinance.

Thankful for Thorns

Nigerian author, Chinua Achebe, must have named his novel, Things Fall Apart, after my life.  Like the protagonist, Okwonko, I believe that Christianity will lead to the death of my culture, however, I differ in his opinion of this being a bad thing - I know the culture inbred in me has to die so that I can have a new life.  


One friend told me that my life is the only one she knows that is worse that hers.  I am always here for my friends and I am glad when they compare my life to their's, so they can feel better about themselves.  No, I am not trying to be sarcastic.  Sometimes we have to look at the lives of others to be really thankful and see God's blessings in our own.


I have been stripped of many things in my life. I was thinking that the only thing I had was my clothes, then a friend reminded me that I have lost so much weight that in reality I don't even have clothes because they don't fit.  Therefore, I have nothing.  To paraphrase Charles Dickens, these are my best of times and these are my worst of times.  Yes, my tale too is about two cities...or rather two people - the old me and the new me.


Why would I even classify this protracted period of pain as my best of times?  Romans 8:28 describes it best when it says "In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose".  Even when things fall apart, I know without a doubt God is working.  He is orchestrating my life, even though right now He is composing the blues.  The cadence may be cacophony to me, but it is created in the mix for the beautiful sound of the Kingdom.


When the rich man asked Jesus what he should do to inherit eternal life, I am not only taken in my Jesus' words, but also His action and emotion.  


Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” He said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.” Mark 10:21 


This is fantastic!!! Jesus looked at him and loved him.  Here is this man, face to face with Jesus who is loving on him right there.  And because Jesus loved him, He told him to give everything up and follow Him. This poor rich man adhered to the commandments, but lacked one thing to obtain eternal life - Jesus. He couldn't or wouldn't chose his riches over Jesus' love, hence, losing his place in the Kingdom.


Oh yes my life is bitter sweet, an ongoing oxymoron and a dichotomy.  I will explain the latter first.  It is a dichotomy. I had stated previously that my existence so far has been the tale of two persons...two different persons.  Before, there was the old me who liked to get what I wanted when I wanted it and although moral, I was not spiritual.  One day, while the old me was walking along smiling as I imagined the multitude of ways in which I could satisfy myself, I was stopped in my tracks by tragedy. This tragedy although tragic was really a triumph,  as while I travailed through my trials, I became transfixed by my Savior and my life was transformed.  There you have it, my old me was traded for the new me and I have never been the same.

Now, for the oxymoron.  My life has been a fine mess, even though I anticipated serendipity.  The new me, alltogether separate from the old - the old, though seeing,did not see; though hearing, did not hear. (Matthew 13:13)  The new, well that is a work in progress, with lots of ups and downs, there have been many heightened valley experiences.

Like Paul, I have come to realize - when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10) Preceding this he explained.  But he (The Lord) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.


Paul asked and asked and asked the Lord for the thorn in his side to be taken away.  He characterized this thorn as a messenger of Satan, sent to torment him.  I am feeling Paul's pain. I can totally empathize with him.  A few messengers of Satan have been tormenting me and I would like to get rid of them.  I have made my requests to the Lord for the removal of these thorns, but regrettably, so far He has refused, but I am sure He has His reasons.  So, I have resolved to relinquish control of my life and release my destiny into God's reliable hands, understanding that the Lord gives and takes away.  After all, not only is He the Beginning and the End, He also knows the beginning to the end.  Jesus said that He would be with me always to the end of the age.  That gives me great joy, although I still undergo sweet sorrows.  I can't say I am happy that I am an acquaintance of grief.  But, grief has been a wise teacher. The lessons I am learning, although agonizingly hurtful at times, are quite significant. They have drawn me closer to to an ever-loving Father, a merciful Savior, and a wonderful Counselor.


Now, the new me is thankful for thorns.  

Step back rich man - I WILL FOLLOW HIM!!!

Who Da Man? - My Journey into Womanhood (Part 3)

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13


I love Paul's writings.  He never beats around the bush.  Chapter 16 is the last chapter in the first letter to the Corinthians and he gives it to the brothers - "ACT LIKE MEN," he said, while urging them to be watchful, stand firm in the faith, and be strong.


When I read Paul's epistles I recognize that he says what he feels he has to say.  The meaning of "act like men" in Greek means "to make a man of"  and also "to show one's self a man".  I know I have often told men to "be a man,"  but, it is more of an affront coming from me rather than a man and leader like Paul.  Paul must have had good reason to tell them this.  Something else that stands out to me in this chapter is that besides the introduction of Aquila and Priscilla, also called Prisca, this is the only other time Aquila is mentioned before Priscilla.  I see Paul as a purposeful man and I believe he wanted to make sure these men of Corinth took their rightful place as spiritual leaders and so made sure even the slightest details such as mentioning Aquila before Prisca helped to bring his point across.

How often do we as women "show ourselves to be men"?  All to frequently, our circumstances "make a man of "us as there are very little men around to do what has to be done.  Therefore, the women are left to shoulder the burden.  Then what happens when a man comes along who can actually get the job done?  We get defensive and say we can do things ourselves and we don't need a man.  These are deceptions propagated by society.  Just because we as women can do it ourselves, doesn't mean that we should.  The fact is we do need men, and men do need us.  Men should make us feel protected and loved, and women should let men feel needed and respected.  If a man is around who has the potential to become a great spiritual leader, then we as women should step aside while encouraging and supporting him to be all God has made him to be.  We should underpin him with our prayers.  This does not make us weak.  Rather, it is a strong woman who is not concerned about her self-esteem, acceptance and influence and is willing to follow God's way, even if it means taking a backseat.

A few months back, I had a couple of dreams where I was in the backseat of a car when a man was driving. In the first dream, I had arrived in the front seat, but on the return trip a man came along and took the passengers seat.  I started getting in the backseat, but felt the space was too small, so I got upset and I walked away.  In the same dream, I was back at the car, where the man I had arrived with was making a large space for me in the backseat.  It was great that he made the space, but I didn't feel that was where I should be positioned - behind him, no way.  In the next dream a few weeks later, I was in a car with a man driving me.  I was moving my and I was sitting in the backseat with some of my belongings.  You would think that at least I would be happy that this man was so kind to help move.  No sirree, not only were my arms crossed, but I was cross.  Imagine, the passenger seat was empty and I was given the backseat?

God has been trying to tell me something.  I have regarded the backseat as being placed in a position of inferiority, but God wants me there for his great purpose.   I should not try to get back at the man because of where I am placed, instead I need to have his back and be his backup. I am there to watch his back and advise him when to back off when I see trouble coming.  I shouldn't be the crick in his back, but, I should be there to cover his back.

This has been a long difficult journey into Biblical womanhood.  I am not where I should be, but I am definitely not where I was when I started on this quest.  It seems God has saved men from me, as I have never been married and I don't have children. I am thankful for that, because I believe I would have made a mess of things. My friends used to be concerned about the men I dated, because they knew I had a fiery tongue.   Jesus said, "For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." Matthew 12:34   

My heart has not always been full of what's right, I had wanted to be "da man" and so my heart became full of what I thought a man should be.  In spite of this, God has loved me so much that He is transforming my life with the help of the Spirit of Truth, who is displacing the lies that were rooted my heart.

I am not saying I am ready for family and marriage now. Only God knows when I am ready, or if I will be ready.  However, I now know that it is necessary for me to yield to God's plan for my life and He will equip me for that purpose. By no means, am I at my destination.   Nonetheless, I am starting to enjoy this path of Biblical womanhood as I become who God made me to be.

Below is an interesting excerpt by Dr. Voddie Bauchman.  

THE END (For now)

Who Da Man? - My Journey into Womanhood (Part 2)

The distinction between men and women have almost diminished, making life a lot more complicated than we would like to admit.  We often blame advances in technology and our modern culture for the drastic change. However, we need to recognize that not all change is good.

Nevertheless, there is one change that is good - being transformed from the "old me" to the "new me" through the Holy Spirit.  The "old me" has been shaped by culture,  having no qualms about wearing the proverbial "pants".  Being like a man was what I thought I needed to be to move ahead in the world. Unfortunately, the "pants" didn't quite fit and were very uncomfortable.  My disposition towards men was one of disrespect and I often used callous caustic words to cut them to the core.    When questioned about my words and actions, I would respond with "I don't care, this is how God made me."    Not true!!!  God did not make me to be rude and condescending, He made me to reflect His image.  Nowhere in the Bible have I every seen God say "I don't care".  What if He did?  Can you imagine how much trouble we would be in?

Instead, God has shown us how to be in Colossians 3:12-13 - Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another.


My heart was not always tender or merciful.  I didn't want to show mercy because I didn't feel anyone who hurt me would deserve it.  But, I didn't deserve mercy when Christ gave it to me, so I have learned that I shouldn't repay unkindness through bitterness, but rather show grace.  I believed if I were kind, people would always take from me, but learned that I should not worry about this because my Heavenly Father has given me everything I need.  My pride kept me from being humble, thinking humility would make me a doormat, yet Christ was crushed for me.   Meekness meant that I took whatever meanness people gave me without complaint,  but I didn't comprehend that it was the meek Lamb of God who took away the sins of the world who said the meek shall inherit the earth.  I could never be patient in longsuffering as I never wanted to endure the pain people caused me, yet God longs for us to offer our lives to Him while we continually hurt His heart as we disobey Him.  I didn't want to bear with someone who does wrong and I definitely didn't want to forgive them or else I felt they might take liberties with me.  Yet, Jesus set us free so we could make allowances for others faults and forgive them as He has forgiven us.

So, now I do care.  I care to reflect the image of God and His nurturing nature that He has given me as a woman.  My words are to encourage, not to emasculate.  They are to develop, not to demolish.  I can give life to a man who society considers dead because I carry the Spirit of God.  I was not created to be like a man, but to be the best part of him -  woman.

Who Da Man? - My Journey into Womanhood (Part 1)

In today's society we are not quite sure what a man's role or a woman's role is. Actually, you may be called sexist or old-fashioned if you try to define and demarcate gender specific functions. At this point, I am not trying to be politically correct as I have been bred to be one of the mixed up people in a messed up world meandering through life as I mull over the muddle of me.  In plain English, I am on a journey to become the woman God made me to be.

Attending an all girls high school made me driven and assertive, striving for excellence, knowing I could measure up to any man and do anything I put my mind to.  Consequently, when I got to college, I put my mind to playing soccer (football) with the guys.  They often complained that I played too rough.  In my defense, they were missing the ball and tripping over me...so not my fault.  One cold day we were out in the park playing and I was given the position of goalkeeper.  As a ball made its way to the goal and I punched it away, my right thumb got hit and I gasped in pain. The guys stopped, looked at me noticing I was in pain and one friend came over, pushed my thumb back and said "Be a man."  So, at the age of seventeen before even becoming a woman, I was told to "be a man".

On another occasion, a group of us decided to go to the park to play soccer in the rain.  Unfortunately, the ball accidentally fell in the troubled waters under a bridge. None of the men volunteered to go in after the ball. Wanting to prove myself "da man", I jumped in, traversing the murky pool to obtain the precious prize. They were in shock and thought I was crazy, but I went where no other man would go - in the polluted pond.

Years later, the advice I was given to "be a man,"  I passed on to the men in the Young Adults group which I led.  As we sat around my kitchen table late at night, I would admonish the guys to become men and take the lead.  Again, I found myself in a polluted pond, put this time I was contributing to the pollution.  My motives were right, but my positioning was wrong.  I knew these men had the potential to be great spiritual leaders, but I shouldn't have been the one to be directing them on this path at my kitchen table late at night.

I guided the ministry with a strong hand. One friend told me that if someone had a fly on his head most people would use a fly swatter, while I would use a pick ax.   My words were harsh, but could easily be backed by scripture. After all, I was making an army of men who would become spiritual giants.  Well, you might have already guessed that it didn't work out too well.  I may have become more of the man I thought they should be, while not even knowing how a man ought to be.

One of my pastors and spiritual fathers told me that I was "like a man."  That really hit me.  No one had ever told me that before.  I thought my cold calculated emotions and the lack of the ability to really have a good cry was just the way I was supposed to be - I was being a strong woman, not the likeness of a man.  But, I knew deep down he was right and there began my quest for womanhood.

It has been approximately five years and I am not there yet.  I endeavor to be that 1 Peter 3:4 woman who has "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."  Now I am glad, that it is spirit that has to be quiet and gentle, because when I watch my Steelers play American football I have to be sequestered - you never know who I will hit and how loud I will get.

But, I am still waiting for that beautiful gentle and quiet spirit to be totally unveiled in me.  In some translations of the Bible the word "meek"  is used for gentle.  I had gone to Barnes and Noble and realized there weren't many books on meekness, so I ordered a couple in order to study my way into meekness.  Ok, acting meek doesn't mean that I am really meek, so right now I am giving myself over to the Holy Spirit for Him to do His work of transformation in me as I continue my journey into womanhood.

Now I have been asking God to change me and I have been using this song below, Empty me by William Murphy as a theme song as I want God to search my heart and  take anything away that is not of Him.

To be continued...

My Hope

Often I relish the thought of God blessing me "exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think." (Ephesians 3:20 NKJV) I used to imagine those blessings were for my physical enjoyment and I that I would be able to take pleasure in all the material things God would supply me. Then, God put me in a quite isolated place where He gave me "the treasures of darkness and riches stored in secret places." (Isaiah 45:3 NIV)

When all seems dark and we can't see where we are going we have to rely on the Holy Spirit to be our eyes.  We start depending on Him more and realize that the peace we find in chaos is supernatural and is given to us by our loving Heavenly Father.  We begin to understand that although we seem to be enveloped by darkness, it is a gift.  You see, it is in the darkness we seek out God and He becomes our greatest treasure. He reveals  to us His heart in this secret place and we attain a wealth of wisdom and discernment more that we could ever have thought.

When we are isolated and are surrounded by difficult circumstances -they are a part of our labor pains to give birth to God's purpose in our lives. He is shaping us into His vision.  The Master Gardener is pruning us carefully into a fruitful masterpiece to give love, hope, joy and peace to those around us.  We can rest assured that this painful process is not without purpose.

A Father Matters

I look around and I am shocked at how many fatherless children there are.  Some children may have fathers in the home, but it is as if they were not there.  They believe all they need to do is be a provider and that's where there fathering ends.  Many fathers do not realize that they are to be prophet, priest, protector and provider in their homes. A father is to speak words of encouragement to his family, guiding them in the ways of Christ.  He is to bring them before our Heavenly Father, constantly pray for them.  He needs to make his family feel safe by being there for them.

We need to have more men embracing the role of fatherhood.  When we see a godly father, we get greater insight into our Heavenly Father.  Unfortunately, far too often fathers aren't displaying the image of God. Boys grow up with popular culture as a teacher of how to be a "real man." And girls grow up searching for a man to be like the father they never had.  The problem is most boys and girls mature never really knowing  a good father who can genuinely define manhood.

We need to pray for men to take their rightful place of authority in the homes and society.  I am not suggesting we need prideful arrogant dictators, but rather caring servant leaders who walk in spiritual authority.

If Jesus were your Co-pilot....

This is my first blog entry.  Many of my friends have been encouraging me to write about my experiences...so here goes.

I have been thinking lately how stubborn I have been throughout the years.  Even after being a Christian for 10 years, I am still prone to doing my "own thing".  I like to make my decisions the way I see things.  The only problem is my perspective is so small and if I would yield to a big God, who has a broader perspective, my life would be so much more fruitful.

I like Jesus with me, so then when my plans aren't working so well, I can ask Him for help.  So in essence, what I am doing is trying to use this merciful Savior and mock His grace.  He has given me so much and all He wants me to do is trust Him and let Him take control of my life.  I need to stop letting Jesus be my co-pilot and instead let Him take the wheel and be the driving force in my life.

Below is a video I produced.