Nearly two years ago I blogged about My Journey into Womanhood. God was really showing me a lot about myself that Summer and He still is. My journey into womanhood is still continuing and I am recognizing that this may take a while. Yep, I'm a WIP (Woman in process). I wish God could just do one of His suddenlies right now and make me into the woman He has purposed me to be, but it's just not happening. I am a bit stubborn, okay, okay... a lot stubborn. And you know, when the Master Potter recognizes that the clay isn't being putty in His hands, He will pound it back into a mold then reshape it on His wheel. Ouch!!! This has been a painful experience, but here I am already pounded and still on the wheel in the hands of the Creator.
I have an idea of the design He would like me to be as it is in the Book. With finesse the Master Potter is fine-tuning me between His fingers to have the feminine heart in 1 Peter 3:4 and the character of the Proverbs 31 woman. I am taking a while. Frankly, I have thought I was done many times, but the Potter knows best. My concern is that after the wheel, comes the fire. Undoubtedly, I must be tested to truly know if I am the vessel I was created me to be so God will get the glory.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7
The good thing is that I realize God is working and that I may have a loud mouth, but can still have a quiet and gentle spirit. I am also learning that I can't go on this journey alone - I have the Bible as my compass and I am doing better at allowing the Holy Spirit to take the drivers seat. He is good at knowing when to take stops and when to let others come on parts of the journey with us. If it were me I probably would not have let anyone come with us or I would not have journeyed with them for as long as we have. But, I am kinda understanding what He is doing.... sometimes - I have things to learn with all those who are with us.
Right now, I feel like I am in a dark place - nowhere near where I feel I should be. However, God has promised me "treasures of darkness" (ref. Isaiah 45:3) So when this "jar of clay" is ready to be filled, I will have treasures in me to share with others.
Showing posts with label Womanhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Womanhood. Show all posts
Saturday, 22 June 2013
Sunday, 17 July 2011
Who Da Man? - My Journey into Womanhood (Part 2)
The distinction between men and women have almost diminished, making life a lot more complicated than we would like to admit. We often blame advances in technology and our modern culture for the drastic change. However, we need to recognize that not all change is good.
Nevertheless, there is one change that is good - being transformed from the "old me" to the "new me" through the Holy Spirit. The "old me" has been shaped by culture, having no qualms about wearing the proverbial "pants". Being like a man was what I thought I needed to be to move ahead in the world. Unfortunately, the "pants" didn't quite fit and were very uncomfortable. My disposition towards men was one of disrespect and I often used callous caustic words to cut them to the core. When questioned about my words and actions, I would respond with "I don't care, this is how God made me." Not true!!! God did not make me to be rude and condescending, He made me to reflect His image. Nowhere in the Bible have I every seen God say "I don't care". What if He did? Can you imagine how much trouble we would be in?
Instead, God has shown us how to be in Colossians 3:12-13 - Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another.
My heart was not always tender or merciful. I didn't want to show mercy because I didn't feel anyone who hurt me would deserve it. But, I didn't deserve mercy when Christ gave it to me, so I have learned that I shouldn't repay unkindness through bitterness, but rather show grace. I believed if I were kind, people would always take from me, but learned that I should not worry about this because my Heavenly Father has given me everything I need. My pride kept me from being humble, thinking humility would make me a doormat, yet Christ was crushed for me. Meekness meant that I took whatever meanness people gave me without complaint, but I didn't comprehend that it was the meek Lamb of God who took away the sins of the world who said the meek shall inherit the earth. I could never be patient in longsuffering as I never wanted to endure the pain people caused me, yet God longs for us to offer our lives to Him while we continually hurt His heart as we disobey Him. I didn't want to bear with someone who does wrong and I definitely didn't want to forgive them or else I felt they might take liberties with me. Yet, Jesus set us free so we could make allowances for others faults and forgive them as He has forgiven us.
So, now I do care. I care to reflect the image of God and His nurturing nature that He has given me as a woman. My words are to encourage, not to emasculate. They are to develop, not to demolish. I can give life to a man who society considers dead because I carry the Spirit of God. I was not created to be like a man, but to be the best part of him - woman.
Nevertheless, there is one change that is good - being transformed from the "old me" to the "new me" through the Holy Spirit. The "old me" has been shaped by culture, having no qualms about wearing the proverbial "pants". Being like a man was what I thought I needed to be to move ahead in the world. Unfortunately, the "pants" didn't quite fit and were very uncomfortable. My disposition towards men was one of disrespect and I often used callous caustic words to cut them to the core. When questioned about my words and actions, I would respond with "I don't care, this is how God made me." Not true!!! God did not make me to be rude and condescending, He made me to reflect His image. Nowhere in the Bible have I every seen God say "I don't care". What if He did? Can you imagine how much trouble we would be in?
Instead, God has shown us how to be in Colossians 3:12-13 - Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another.
My heart was not always tender or merciful. I didn't want to show mercy because I didn't feel anyone who hurt me would deserve it. But, I didn't deserve mercy when Christ gave it to me, so I have learned that I shouldn't repay unkindness through bitterness, but rather show grace. I believed if I were kind, people would always take from me, but learned that I should not worry about this because my Heavenly Father has given me everything I need. My pride kept me from being humble, thinking humility would make me a doormat, yet Christ was crushed for me. Meekness meant that I took whatever meanness people gave me without complaint, but I didn't comprehend that it was the meek Lamb of God who took away the sins of the world who said the meek shall inherit the earth. I could never be patient in longsuffering as I never wanted to endure the pain people caused me, yet God longs for us to offer our lives to Him while we continually hurt His heart as we disobey Him. I didn't want to bear with someone who does wrong and I definitely didn't want to forgive them or else I felt they might take liberties with me. Yet, Jesus set us free so we could make allowances for others faults and forgive them as He has forgiven us.
So, now I do care. I care to reflect the image of God and His nurturing nature that He has given me as a woman. My words are to encourage, not to emasculate. They are to develop, not to demolish. I can give life to a man who society considers dead because I carry the Spirit of God. I was not created to be like a man, but to be the best part of him - woman.
Thursday, 14 July 2011
Who Da Man? - My Journey into Womanhood (Part 1)
In today's society we are not quite sure what a man's role or a woman's role is. Actually, you may be called sexist or old-fashioned if you try to define and demarcate gender specific functions. At this point, I am not trying to be politically correct as I have been bred to be one of the mixed up people in a messed up world meandering through life as I mull over the muddle of me. In plain English, I am on a journey to become the woman God made me to be.
Attending an all girls high school made me driven and assertive, striving for excellence, knowing I could measure up to any man and do anything I put my mind to. Consequently, when I got to college, I put my mind to playing soccer (football) with the guys. They often complained that I played too rough. In my defense, they were missing the ball and tripping over me...so not my fault. One cold day we were out in the park playing and I was given the position of goalkeeper. As a ball made its way to the goal and I punched it away, my right thumb got hit and I gasped in pain. The guys stopped, looked at me noticing I was in pain and one friend came over, pushed my thumb back and said "Be a man." So, at the age of seventeen before even becoming a woman, I was told to "be a man".
On another occasion, a group of us decided to go to the park to play soccer in the rain. Unfortunately, the ball accidentally fell in the troubled waters under a bridge. None of the men volunteered to go in after the ball. Wanting to prove myself "da man", I jumped in, traversing the murky pool to obtain the precious prize. They were in shock and thought I was crazy, but I went where no other man would go - in the polluted pond.
Years later, the advice I was given to "be a man," I passed on to the men in the Young Adults group which I led. As we sat around my kitchen table late at night, I would admonish the guys to become men and take the lead. Again, I found myself in a polluted pond, put this time I was contributing to the pollution. My motives were right, but my positioning was wrong. I knew these men had the potential to be great spiritual leaders, but I shouldn't have been the one to be directing them on this path at my kitchen table late at night.
I guided the ministry with a strong hand. One friend told me that if someone had a fly on his head most people would use a fly swatter, while I would use a pick ax. My words were harsh, but could easily be backed by scripture. After all, I was making an army of men who would become spiritual giants. Well, you might have already guessed that it didn't work out too well. I may have become more of the man I thought they should be, while not even knowing how a man ought to be.
One of my pastors and spiritual fathers told me that I was "like a man." That really hit me. No one had ever told me that before. I thought my cold calculated emotions and the lack of the ability to really have a good cry was just the way I was supposed to be - I was being a strong woman, not the likeness of a man. But, I knew deep down he was right and there began my quest for womanhood.
It has been approximately five years and I am not there yet. I endeavor to be that 1 Peter 3:4 woman who has "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." Now I am glad, that it is spirit that has to be quiet and gentle, because when I watch my Steelers play American football I have to be sequestered - you never know who I will hit and how loud I will get.
But, I am still waiting for that beautiful gentle and quiet spirit to be totally unveiled in me. In some translations of the Bible the word "meek" is used for gentle. I had gone to Barnes and Noble and realized there weren't many books on meekness, so I ordered a couple in order to study my way into meekness. Ok, acting meek doesn't mean that I am really meek, so right now I am giving myself over to the Holy Spirit for Him to do His work of transformation in me as I continue my journey into womanhood.
Now I have been asking God to change me and I have been using this song below, Empty me by William Murphy as a theme song as I want God to search my heart and take anything away that is not of Him.
Attending an all girls high school made me driven and assertive, striving for excellence, knowing I could measure up to any man and do anything I put my mind to. Consequently, when I got to college, I put my mind to playing soccer (football) with the guys. They often complained that I played too rough. In my defense, they were missing the ball and tripping over me...so not my fault. One cold day we were out in the park playing and I was given the position of goalkeeper. As a ball made its way to the goal and I punched it away, my right thumb got hit and I gasped in pain. The guys stopped, looked at me noticing I was in pain and one friend came over, pushed my thumb back and said "Be a man." So, at the age of seventeen before even becoming a woman, I was told to "be a man".
On another occasion, a group of us decided to go to the park to play soccer in the rain. Unfortunately, the ball accidentally fell in the troubled waters under a bridge. None of the men volunteered to go in after the ball. Wanting to prove myself "da man", I jumped in, traversing the murky pool to obtain the precious prize. They were in shock and thought I was crazy, but I went where no other man would go - in the polluted pond.
Years later, the advice I was given to "be a man," I passed on to the men in the Young Adults group which I led. As we sat around my kitchen table late at night, I would admonish the guys to become men and take the lead. Again, I found myself in a polluted pond, put this time I was contributing to the pollution. My motives were right, but my positioning was wrong. I knew these men had the potential to be great spiritual leaders, but I shouldn't have been the one to be directing them on this path at my kitchen table late at night.
I guided the ministry with a strong hand. One friend told me that if someone had a fly on his head most people would use a fly swatter, while I would use a pick ax. My words were harsh, but could easily be backed by scripture. After all, I was making an army of men who would become spiritual giants. Well, you might have already guessed that it didn't work out too well. I may have become more of the man I thought they should be, while not even knowing how a man ought to be.
One of my pastors and spiritual fathers told me that I was "like a man." That really hit me. No one had ever told me that before. I thought my cold calculated emotions and the lack of the ability to really have a good cry was just the way I was supposed to be - I was being a strong woman, not the likeness of a man. But, I knew deep down he was right and there began my quest for womanhood.
It has been approximately five years and I am not there yet. I endeavor to be that 1 Peter 3:4 woman who has "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." Now I am glad, that it is spirit that has to be quiet and gentle, because when I watch my Steelers play American football I have to be sequestered - you never know who I will hit and how loud I will get.
But, I am still waiting for that beautiful gentle and quiet spirit to be totally unveiled in me. In some translations of the Bible the word "meek" is used for gentle. I had gone to Barnes and Noble and realized there weren't many books on meekness, so I ordered a couple in order to study my way into meekness. Ok, acting meek doesn't mean that I am really meek, so right now I am giving myself over to the Holy Spirit for Him to do His work of transformation in me as I continue my journey into womanhood.
Now I have been asking God to change me and I have been using this song below, Empty me by William Murphy as a theme song as I want God to search my heart and take anything away that is not of Him.
To be continued...
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