Thankful for Thorns

Nigerian author, Chinua Achebe, must have named his novel, Things Fall Apart, after my life.  Like the protagonist, Okwonko, I believe that Christianity will lead to the death of my culture, however, I differ in his opinion of this being a bad thing - I know the culture inbred in me has to die so that I can have a new life.  


One friend told me that my life is the only one she knows that is worse that hers.  I am always here for my friends and I am glad when they compare my life to their's, so they can feel better about themselves.  No, I am not trying to be sarcastic.  Sometimes we have to look at the lives of others to be really thankful and see God's blessings in our own.


I have been stripped of many things in my life. I was thinking that the only thing I had was my clothes, then a friend reminded me that I have lost so much weight that in reality I don't even have clothes because they don't fit.  Therefore, I have nothing.  To paraphrase Charles Dickens, these are my best of times and these are my worst of times.  Yes, my tale too is about two cities...or rather two people - the old me and the new me.


Why would I even classify this protracted period of pain as my best of times?  Romans 8:28 describes it best when it says "In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose".  Even when things fall apart, I know without a doubt God is working.  He is orchestrating my life, even though right now He is composing the blues.  The cadence may be cacophony to me, but it is created in the mix for the beautiful sound of the Kingdom.


When the rich man asked Jesus what he should do to inherit eternal life, I am not only taken in my Jesus' words, but also His action and emotion.  


Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” He said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.” Mark 10:21 


This is fantastic!!! Jesus looked at him and loved him.  Here is this man, face to face with Jesus who is loving on him right there.  And because Jesus loved him, He told him to give everything up and follow Him. This poor rich man adhered to the commandments, but lacked one thing to obtain eternal life - Jesus. He couldn't or wouldn't chose his riches over Jesus' love, hence, losing his place in the Kingdom.


Oh yes my life is bitter sweet, an ongoing oxymoron and a dichotomy.  I will explain the latter first.  It is a dichotomy. I had stated previously that my existence so far has been the tale of two persons...two different persons.  Before, there was the old me who liked to get what I wanted when I wanted it and although moral, I was not spiritual.  One day, while the old me was walking along smiling as I imagined the multitude of ways in which I could satisfy myself, I was stopped in my tracks by tragedy. This tragedy although tragic was really a triumph,  as while I travailed through my trials, I became transfixed by my Savior and my life was transformed.  There you have it, my old me was traded for the new me and I have never been the same.

Now, for the oxymoron.  My life has been a fine mess, even though I anticipated serendipity.  The new me, alltogether separate from the old - the old, though seeing,did not see; though hearing, did not hear. (Matthew 13:13)  The new, well that is a work in progress, with lots of ups and downs, there have been many heightened valley experiences.

Like Paul, I have come to realize - when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10) Preceding this he explained.  But he (The Lord) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.


Paul asked and asked and asked the Lord for the thorn in his side to be taken away.  He characterized this thorn as a messenger of Satan, sent to torment him.  I am feeling Paul's pain. I can totally empathize with him.  A few messengers of Satan have been tormenting me and I would like to get rid of them.  I have made my requests to the Lord for the removal of these thorns, but regrettably, so far He has refused, but I am sure He has His reasons.  So, I have resolved to relinquish control of my life and release my destiny into God's reliable hands, understanding that the Lord gives and takes away.  After all, not only is He the Beginning and the End, He also knows the beginning to the end.  Jesus said that He would be with me always to the end of the age.  That gives me great joy, although I still undergo sweet sorrows.  I can't say I am happy that I am an acquaintance of grief.  But, grief has been a wise teacher. The lessons I am learning, although agonizingly hurtful at times, are quite significant. They have drawn me closer to to an ever-loving Father, a merciful Savior, and a wonderful Counselor.


Now, the new me is thankful for thorns.  

Step back rich man - I WILL FOLLOW HIM!!!