Have you ever felt that you just keep on doing and doing yet not accomplishing anything, or going and going, but reaching nowhere? I know, I have felt like this and it brings an overwhelming despair. However, I have figured out that when I am overcome by despair, I am doing and going in my own strength. And, through it all, I have lost the very essence of who I am.
Paul could say with confidence that by the grace of God "I am who I am." I, on the other hand, frequently ask, "Who am I?" Suffering from a lost identity, I fall into a crisis. I don't rest in God's grace, but rather work to fulfill the law. I like the law, because then I can have something to conform to. I want to look like everyone and be like everyone. Leaving me behind, I embrace what others think I should be.
Consequently, I don't know me. I talk like someone I don't know. Looking in the mirror, I don't see me. I am someone else. Who? I don't really know. The person I see, I don't like. How could this person be me? I am not what I am.
But, who am I? That question still lingers. I no longer can be who they want me to be. I can't follow their rules and live by their laws.
Grace has been waiting for me to be her friend, yet, somehow I have felt uncomfortable around her. She is amazing, she wants to walk with me and show me a whole new world, but I resist her as she is not a conformist and she doesn't look like everyone else. I don't need that rejection from hanging with her. But, I know...I know if I go with Grace, she will show me who I am. She will show me the real me and reveal my heart. Then, I can say "I am what I am."
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