GET REAL!!!

Too many of us hide behind facades that feigns fantasy. We pretend perfection with pretentious yet precarious lies, making us feel important wanting to be impervious. Creating an illusion, we live illusive lives with delusive expectations. It's just all a deception. Through it all the deceiver becomes the deceived, losing self in machinations. 

We lie and do not live by the truth. 1 John 1:6

All these years, I have been living a lie one way or the other.  I lost my identity in college doing what other people thought I should do and then on becoming a Christian, I started saying the things people wanted me to say – the “good” Christian things. But, God can’t work with that. That is the devil’s territory – lies.  God is Truth and until I start living in Truth, I can’t walk the Way or in the Light.

"God can give me as many children as He wants?"

"Oh it doesn't matter when I get married.  Whenever God wants, even if it is 80?"

"I will marry whoever God wants me to marry?"

Seriously, this is dangerous ground - a minefield of lies ready to explode.  However, righteous these may sound, these are not what God wants to hear unless it comes from a truthful heart. Frankly, these have been misguided statements coming from a need of acceptance.

What I need though is to get real. I don't want a lot of children, right now I am not ready for any children.  As, for getting married at 80....helloooo....how is sex at 80? Yes, Christian girls do think about sex. Well at least I do, no lie.  If I do get married I would rather to get married at an age where I can enjoy being intimate with my husband. Probably, I need to check with an 80 year old to see how the sensual senses are at that age before I come to a verdict.

Okay, marrying anyone who God wants me to marry....all I can think of is Hosea. Don't get me wrong, I really want to be in God's will, but I am hoping His will doesn't include a man who will cheat on me or disrespect me. I would go for sense of humor, good looking, has a good job, nice physique and a man who is real and knows who he is in Christ. Yes, I mix shallow with sainthood and I know, I know I need to go find my own identity in Christ.  That's why right now I am not ready for a husband.  I need to get real first.

Getting into a relationship would be a disaster waiting to happen if I don't find out who I truly am. I need to be me, who I was made to be.  First things, first - tell the truth.

"I don't want a husband and children!"

There I said it. Now that's off my chest, let me quickly follow up with this.  Before I became a Christian, I did not like children. I felt they were put on earth to upset me. Mothers would give me their children forcing them into my arms ignoring my resistance, to show me how cute their child is. Inevitably the child would puke, pee or poop while in my arms. The baby would know to wait until firmly placed in my arms to be "free". However, still with a dislike for children, God put me in a position where I was asked to work with children at a summer camp. My class was "Kids gone wild," yet it was my experience with these "energetic" children that made me start loving children.  Now, I relish the thought of working with kids...you see, they are real, no pretense about them.  I like that!!!

This is why I know I should come to God like little children - in truth. That's what He work's with.  Not my "good" Christian girl act. The fact is I am selfish.  I like my space, doing things in my time and having my things. And for all those who think how awful I am, get real!  I know you prefer my lies and would rather ignore the fact they are lies - because that makes you more comfortable. Sorry, I can't go there anymore.  If you are in dis-ease because of what I say and who I really am, I hope you get better. But, I know that God can finally work with me and bring me to the place where He wants me to be, because I am now telling Him the truth, no matter how disturbing it may sound. I have been in darkness for too long, time to walk in the Light.

If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth.  1 John 1:6 

Isn't that the truth? Simply, it's time to get real and start living in Truth.
 

God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth. John 4:24