I have been taking more time to just sit with God to know Him more and understand His heart. This has sometimes been a painful process as I have come to realize that my thoughts are definitely not His thoughts and His ways are that of grace, while mine are bent towards the law.
I have tried so hard to be a good Christian, and that's where I went wrong. I did my best to follow the rules, some weren't even from God, but these man-made doctrines did sound "godly". So, in order to please man by looking "godly" I submitted to laws that God didn't even intend. Paul understood that the law didn't make us righteous, but rather it made us sin conscious.
Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. Romans 3:20
This is no different than when we try so hard to be safe that we imprison ourselves. I think of so many people who die in fires in Jamaica because the firemen can't get them out of a burning build as there is much difficulty and loss of precious time breaking through the burglar bars. The very thing that was to keep them safe caused their death.
The laws that I have tried to follow have entrapped me and I have lost the freedom which being in Christ offers me. It seems the more I try not to sin, I commit several more. It is unending torture.
These days, I have been yearning to spend more time with Christ and the more I spend time with Him, the more I comprehend my insanity. I have been trying to accomplish the impossible by attempting to be good through the law. In so doing, I have not flowed in God's grace by accepting His love. My faith was diminishing rather than growing, since I persisted in doing things in my own strength. hence, making God small in my own eyes.
Detachment from who I really was in Christ became inevitable. Lost and living in a reality based on a legal system not of God, my identity was easily stolen. It was almost as if I gave it away.
But, now I am getting my identity in Christ back. This person who I am becoming though, may not be to the liking of the religious majority, as I look less and less at the law as a mirror to dress myself. I no longer put on my spiritual clothing.
I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness. Isaiah 61:10
Worn and weary I have tried to please the masses, but now I find rest in God and this is where my hope comes from.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5
Furthermore, when we reach this place of rest we get to inherit the "Promised Land" that God wants to give us.
You are not to do as we do here today, everyone as he sees fit, since you have not yet reached the resting place and the inheritance the LORD your God is giving you. But you will cross the Jordan and settle in the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance, and he will give you rest from all your enemies around you so that you will live in safety. Deuteronomy 12:9-10
We all want to sing "I'll do it my way," doing what we think we should do. Nevertheless, we must move beyond our thoughts and come to a point were we do not rely on our understanding, but instead look to God for His heart on the matter.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:4-6
One Way Jesus