Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?” says the LORD. “Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery?” says your God. Isaiah 66:9
Sometimes we need, to be delivered from ourselves. It may become necessary that we get out of our own way and get over ourselves so that we can experience the new life that God has purposed for us.
In an earlier writing, I divulged my secret - the fear of success. Unfortunately, I have still not fully conquered this fear, but the battle is on and I am assured of victory as my Heavenly Father is with me.
For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. Deuteronomy 20:4
The fight is fierce, and I have been trampled on and tried. But, I am coming out!!! I have been brought against one of my strongest enemies - myself. I can empathize with Paul when he says:
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans 7:18-20
This is face to face combat, and what I see in me, I do not like. I have not been able to stand against the devil's schemes, since I have been unwittingly resisting my God-given purpose with an armor of my own making. My waist has been girded with lies, which made me believe that self-denial was the Christian thing to do. And so, I pitifully put on an easily bendable breastplate built with self-righteousness and filled with a chest puffed with pride that grew from a holier than thou attitude. Furthermore, I haven't been wearing the shoes that God sized for me, resulting in my being uncomfortable with no peace to share. Fear has been a slight shield, consequently the flaming arrows of rejection have penetrated me.
Too tired to place the helmet of salvation on my head, my mind has been an open target for the devil's accusations -"You will lose your relationship with God if you are successful and make money"; "No one will like you if you are influential and you are regarded with honor. They will think you are stuck up"; and "You will lose yourself if you ever attain wealth."
Lies...all lies...from the father of lies. Yet, I have fallen prey to the dubious deceiver.
My sword did not take full swings. Lackluster lunges did not lance the liar and I have been left languid licking my wounds. Therefore, my Spirit has been doused with the devil's devices, hence, my prayers have not been persistent or effective, and I have felt ashamed to bring all my requests before God. Also, far too often I have been caught unaware of the enemy's tricks.
But, now I know. I understand where it all went wrong. It started when I thought it all depended on me to be holy and righteous. The plan was to be an admired martyr - dying to myself, forsaking all of life's pleasures. Surely, everyone would perceive how Christlike I was? Well, they didn't. All they have seen is my impoverishment. This is not being poor in Spirit... this is being poor as a church mouse. What an appropriate idiom for my idiotic thoughts on how my Christian walk should be!
The poor church mouse - that's me. Let me restate - that's how I used to be. I am presently getting a new lease on life. No longer am I going to be a mouse, scrounging around to get enough just to get by. Why are church mice poor anyway? Frankly, at this point, it doesn't matter. I don't even like mice, and I don't intend to stay one, church or otherwise. I am purposed to build God's church, not tear it down. Those church mice are destructive little critters that create a mess. My choice is not to be a messy mouse, but a valiant victor.
Being born again, means that I should have a new life. However, it seems that I have been stuck in the birth canal, not wanting to push out. I was not formed to stay in darkness, I must come out into God's marvelous light to truly experience His goodness and to win the battle. I will therefore pray as David prayed:
But you, O Sovereign LORD,
deal well with me for your name’s sake;
out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.
For I am poor and needy,
and my heart is wounded within me. Psalm 109:20-22
I know God will answer. He will come to my rescue as I climb out of my self made quagmire. The new woman is emerging. This birthing room is a battlefield, I do believe I am waging war. However, despite this being a long and difficult delivery, I will encourage myself, "Girl...it's time to give birth! PUSH!!!"
No comments:
Post a Comment