Fearing Success

A few years ago, I went on a fast to break my fear of success. On recognizing that I dreaded prospering, I was determined to overcome it. One may not readily comprehend this.  Fear of failure seems much more logical. Truthfully, I didn't understand it myself. It took a while for this realization to sink in. If I remember correctly, I received this insight while praying.

Looking at me or knowing me, you would never think I would be ridden with this emotion as I am a driven person. Consequently, I decided to use my drive to conqueror my fear. But, alas it was to no avail. I couldn't rid myself of it.

Earlier this year, thoughts of my fear flooded my mind.  Therefore, I once again set out to disable my nemesis using the Sword of the Spirit. I went to the Bible and did a word search for success in order to grasp that God wanted me to succeed.  The following are some of the verses I found in my search.

Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Joshua 1:7

So he sent David away from him and gave him command over a thousand men, and David led the troops in their campaigns. In everything he did he had great success, because the LORD was with him. When Saul saw how successful he was, he was afraid of him. 1 Samuel 18:13-15

I answered them by saying, “The God of heaven will give us success...." Nehemiah 2:20a

The Sword did not seem to penetrate my heart and mind deep enough. I still had my doubts, God Himself is not opposed to success - He gives it, yet, I cowered at the thought.  I would ask for success, however, I would somehow repel it.  Basically, I was doing things well.  Many people liked the work I did and praised my accomplishments.  In spite of this, I knew deep down that it was not enough.  I could do much more - God wanted me to do so much more.  As I climbed the hill of success, I would come to a plateau, never reaching the highest height as fear strangled my efforts.

It wasn't until quite recently it struck me that fear of success was not my problem, it was just a by-product.  I had to dig deeper to uncover the root.  The source of my issue was my resentment of success and some of it's consequences like money, power and influence. One of the verses that predisposed me to hate money was:

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 1 Timothy 6:10

I believed that if I disliked money, then I would be a good Christian.  Being annoyed at prosperity preachers peddling their Christian wares, I sought to stay as far away as possible from the idea of affluence.  What would others think of me if I were rich and accomplished? They would surely hate me like Saul hated successful David.   I couldn't take that risk as I might become a snob.  Heaven forbid, people would think that I loved money if I had nice clothes, car, and house.  So, I only prayed for just enough to get by, and I could get by on very little. In addition, I didn't venture into areas which would make me too successful.

It is amazing how thoughts can manifest into reality. I actually have nothing. But really, at this time it is a good thing.  My extreme lack of resources has made me examine myself and I now see how selfish I have been.   I have blocked the hand of God to give me all He wants.  He has desired to bless me so I could bless others.  My success and riches are not just for me, but gifts God wants me to pass on to the disadvantaged.  My being impoverished, may result in others staying destitute. Without a car, I can't give anyone a ride.  Without a house, I can't offer anyone a place to stay. Without money, I can't give to the poor.  I have found that my ministry is hindered because I don't have enough.  I have been self-absorbed in my false humility, obstructing God from doing abundant work in and through my life.    

I have been worried that riches and pleasure would choke the seed God has placed within me. (Luke 8:14)   But, I must always remember, no matter what, my identity is in Christ, whether I am rich or poor, or I have success in the world's eyes. God's perspective on success is not the same as our culture's definition.  He is about character building and stepping out in integrity.  I cannot be manipulative and corrupt to be a success.  That is failure from God's point of view.  Wisdom is essential and she assures us in Proverbs that With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. Proverbs 8:18

Worldly wealth should never dictate the riches I have in Christ, which are His grace, His glory and the wisdom and knowledge of God.  When I have riches in Christ, I will know better how to utilize material gain and influence. 

Success takes courage. In spite of how much I attain materially, or how influential I become, I must follow God's path.  Undoubtedly, this will not be popular with most people.  There is a Promised Land and I must fight to possess it as God has purposed this. Even if it means battling my own fears, I must struggle against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12  It is imperative that I succeed not only for me, but for society's good.  

God has equipped me to succeed in everything He has purposed me to do. He clothes me for battle and empowers me with the Holy Spirit.  I am dressed to win being more than a conqueror in Christ.  God wants me to succeed.  Jesus came to give me abundant life. (paraphrase John 10:10)  

The Lord wants me to occupy the land and walk in my authority in whichever sphere He places me.  I need to be sure I am surrendered to Him and I am His will. 

Then, I don't have to be Fearing Success as the Lord is with me through it all.