Being Still

"Be still and know that I am God."  Psalm 46:10

A day before dislocating my shoulder in June, 2016, I heard God's voice clearly, "Be still."  For weeks before that the message of being still repeatedly came up in Bible verses, songs and just speaking to folks.  I knew without a doubt God wanted me to be still and that dislocated shoulder made me be still.  This happened just a few weeks before hearing that the short documentary, which I had submitted to a film festival was being nominated for an award.  The nomination was a big deal as it could be used as a selling point in raising funds for the film.  But, alas, the production of the documentary had to go on hold.

I was diligently doing my physical therapy when this dislocation occurred.  My physical therapist was very concerned as I was doing really well in my sessions and in my progress.  Consequently, I had to bite the bullet and go to an orthopedic surgeon.  After a couple of tests he discovered that my shoulder socket was worn in the front and so it caused instability in my shoulder.  I had to do surgery.  Being a local missionary with no other income and no health insurance, I had to raise funds for this procedure.  I still am raising funds.  This meant I had to not only be still, but I have to wait.  

I have had to be still physically, because the slightest movement in a certain direction could result in a dislocation.  And, I also have to be still in my soul, so that I am not always anxious as I wait for the surgery while the funds slowly come in.  However, I believe that God is using my stillness and waiting as a period of preparation for the next level He wants to bring me to in Him.  I have had time to ask Him to search me and see if there is any wicked way in me (ref. Psalm 139:23-24) and to create a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me (ref. Psalm 51:10).  I have looked upward as I know I need to look inward and become who God wants me to be.

This season of waiting has been quite fruitful.  I wrote a book, Purpose to the Pain, to help raise funds for the surgery.  But, more important is the fact that while I expounded on the blog entries that comprise this book, I was able to evaluate my life and God's work in me.  I am not where I want to be, but I am definitely not where I used to be, or who I used to be.  God has been transforming me through a series of struggles and my dislocations are no different.  

My arm is in a sling as I wait for Usain Bolt to run in the Olympics

I can now be thankful in extreme pain, knowing that God is still with me and loving me.  My surgery will be in His timing.  The funds will come just when it needs to and when I am not dislocated spiritually.  Slowly but surely, I am getting there.  God does not want me to be spiritually dislocated or else I will not be able to handle what He has purposed me to do.  This period is preparation for a purpose, so I must persevere through the pain.  Therefore, I am still and I wait as God teaches me to be who He wants me to be.