GET REAL!!!

Too many of us hide behind facades that feigns fantasy. We pretend perfection with pretentious yet precarious lies, making us feel important wanting to be impervious. Creating an illusion, we live illusive lives with delusive expectations. It's just all a deception. Through it all the deceiver becomes the deceived, losing self in machinations. 

We lie and do not live by the truth. 1 John 1:6

All these years, I have been living a lie one way or the other.  I lost my identity in college doing what other people thought I should do and then on becoming a Christian, I started saying the things people wanted me to say – the “good” Christian things. But, God can’t work with that. That is the devil’s territory – lies.  God is Truth and until I start living in Truth, I can’t walk the Way or in the Light.

"God can give me as many children as He wants?"

"Oh it doesn't matter when I get married.  Whenever God wants, even if it is 80?"

"I will marry whoever God wants me to marry?"

Seriously, this is dangerous ground - a minefield of lies ready to explode.  However, righteous these may sound, these are not what God wants to hear unless it comes from a truthful heart. Frankly, these have been misguided statements coming from a need of acceptance.

What I need though is to get real. I don't want a lot of children, right now I am not ready for any children.  As, for getting married at 80....helloooo....how is sex at 80? Yes, Christian girls do think about sex. Well at least I do, no lie.  If I do get married I would rather to get married at an age where I can enjoy being intimate with my husband. Probably, I need to check with an 80 year old to see how the sensual senses are at that age before I come to a verdict.

Okay, marrying anyone who God wants me to marry....all I can think of is Hosea. Don't get me wrong, I really want to be in God's will, but I am hoping His will doesn't include a man who will cheat on me or disrespect me. I would go for sense of humor, good looking, has a good job, nice physique and a man who is real and knows who he is in Christ. Yes, I mix shallow with sainthood and I know, I know I need to go find my own identity in Christ.  That's why right now I am not ready for a husband.  I need to get real first.

Getting into a relationship would be a disaster waiting to happen if I don't find out who I truly am. I need to be me, who I was made to be.  First things, first - tell the truth.

"I don't want a husband and children!"

There I said it. Now that's off my chest, let me quickly follow up with this.  Before I became a Christian, I did not like children. I felt they were put on earth to upset me. Mothers would give me their children forcing them into my arms ignoring my resistance, to show me how cute their child is. Inevitably the child would puke, pee or poop while in my arms. The baby would know to wait until firmly placed in my arms to be "free". However, still with a dislike for children, God put me in a position where I was asked to work with children at a summer camp. My class was "Kids gone wild," yet it was my experience with these "energetic" children that made me start loving children.  Now, I relish the thought of working with kids...you see, they are real, no pretense about them.  I like that!!!

This is why I know I should come to God like little children - in truth. That's what He work's with.  Not my "good" Christian girl act. The fact is I am selfish.  I like my space, doing things in my time and having my things. And for all those who think how awful I am, get real!  I know you prefer my lies and would rather ignore the fact they are lies - because that makes you more comfortable. Sorry, I can't go there anymore.  If you are in dis-ease because of what I say and who I really am, I hope you get better. But, I know that God can finally work with me and bring me to the place where He wants me to be, because I am now telling Him the truth, no matter how disturbing it may sound. I have been in darkness for too long, time to walk in the Light.

If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth.  1 John 1:6 

Isn't that the truth? Simply, it's time to get real and start living in Truth.
 

God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth. John 4:24

I Am Not What I Am

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 1 Corinthians 15:10

Have you ever felt that you just keep on doing and doing yet not accomplishing anything, or going and going, but reaching nowhere?  I know, I have felt like this and it brings an overwhelming despair.  However, I have figured out that when I am overcome by despair, I am doing and going in my own strength.  And, through it all, I have lost the very essence of who I am.

Paul could say with confidence that by the grace of God "I am who I am." I, on the other hand, frequently ask, "Who am I?"  Suffering from a lost identity, I fall into a crisis. I don't rest in God's grace, but rather work to fulfill the law.  I like the law, because then I can have something to conform to. I want to look like everyone and be like everyone.  Leaving me behind, I embrace what others think I should be.  

Consequently, I don't know me.  I talk like someone I don't know.  Looking in the mirror, I don't see me.  I am someone else.  Who?  I don't really know. The person I see, I don't like.  How could this person be me? I am not what I am. 

But, who am I? That question still lingers. I no longer can be who they want me to be. I can't follow their rules and live by their laws.  

Grace has been waiting for me to be her friend, yet, somehow I have felt uncomfortable around her. She is amazing, she wants to walk with me and show me a whole new world, but I resist her as she is not a conformist and she doesn't look like everyone else. I don't need that rejection from hanging with her. But, I know...I know if I go with Grace, she will show me who I am.  She will show me the real me and reveal my heart.  Then, I can say "I am what I am."

I'll Do it My Way

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8

I have been taking more time to just sit with God to know Him more and understand His heart. This has sometimes been a painful process as I have come to realize that my thoughts are definitely not His thoughts and His ways are that of grace, while mine are bent towards the law.  

I have tried so hard to be a good Christian, and that's where I went wrong. I did my best to follow the rules, some weren't even from God, but these man-made doctrines did sound "godly". So, in order to please man by looking "godly"  I submitted to laws that God didn't even intend. Paul understood that the law didn't make us righteous, but rather it made us sin conscious.

Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. Romans 3:20

This is no different than when we try so hard to be safe that we imprison ourselves. I think of so many people who die in fires in Jamaica because the firemen can't get them out of a burning build as there is much difficulty and loss of precious time breaking through the burglar bars. The very thing that was to keep them safe caused their death.

The laws that I have tried to follow have entrapped me and I have lost the freedom which being in Christ offers me.  It seems the more I try not to sin, I commit several more. It is unending torture.  

These days, I have been yearning to spend more time with Christ and the more I spend time with Him, the more I comprehend my insanity.  I have been trying to accomplish the impossible by attempting to be good through the law. In so doing, I have not flowed in God's grace by accepting His love.  My faith was diminishing rather than growing, since I persisted in doing things in my own strength. hence, making God small in my own eyes.

Detachment from who I really was in Christ became inevitable. Lost and living in a reality based on a legal system not of God, my identity was easily stolen.  It was almost as if I gave it away.

But, now I am getting my identity in Christ back. This person who I am becoming though, may not be to the liking of the religious majority, as I look less and less at the law as a mirror to dress myself.  I no longer put on my spiritual clothing.  

I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness. Isaiah 61:10

Worn and weary I have tried to please the masses, but now I find rest in God and this is where my hope comes from.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  Psalm 62:5

Furthermore, when we reach this place of rest we get to inherit the "Promised Land" that God wants to give us.  

You are not to do as we do here today, everyone as he sees fit, since you have not yet reached the resting place and the inheritance the LORD your God is giving you. But you will cross the Jordan and settle in the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance, and he will give you rest from all your enemies around you so that you will live in safety.  Deuteronomy 12:9-10

We all want to sing "I'll do it my way,"  doing what we think we should do. Nevertheless, we must move beyond our thoughts and come to a point were we do not rely on our understanding, but instead look to God for His heart on the matter.  

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:4-6

One Way Jesus

Live The Word

Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Joshua 1:7-8

After being in the desert for 40 years, God knew that His chosen people would be tested by the devil as they contested for their Promised Land. He also knew that the best way to combat the attack of this foe was for them to know the Word and live the Word.

While in the desert for 40 days and being tested by the devil with Scriptures, Jesus passed the test as He knew His purpose, He knew the Word and He lived the Word. Moreover, He is the Word.

When I think of the deviling approaching Jesus in the desert, I recognize how frightening it is that the Word can be twisted to the advantage of those who give the Word. The devil did the same thing in the garden of Eden with Eve, but Jesus had the Word in His heart in the desert.

I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart. Psalm 40:8

David wrote these words and Jesus lived by them. We must always have the Word in our hearts, asking God for His Spirit to give us deeper insight so that we can discern the heart behind the words that come from the Word. Motives aren't always right. We can use Bible verse to underpin just about any of our opinions. For this reason we must be careful where our opinions come from and make sure our heart is pleasing to God.

Jesus knew loving His Father, meant obeying His Word and hence fulfilling His purpose. Because of the disobedience in the garden, there had to be obedience in the wilderness. He was preordained to be tested in the wilderness from the beginning. Both He and God knew He would pass the test – He had to for our sake.

We too will have our own wilderness experience. That too was preordained. We will be tested over and over again, and we must pass the test for our sake and for the souls of others. God has set us apart to do His work, but in order to understand His plan for our lives we must do as Jesus did.

At daybreak, Jesus went out to a solitary place. The people were looking for him and when they came to where he was, they tried to keep him from leaving them. But he said, “I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent.” Luke 4:42-43

Like Jesus, we must get alone with God and block out all distractions to who why and where God is sending us. Even those who love us will try to stop us because they care so much and want us to be with them. But, they must let us go to walk into our destiny to "proclaim the good news" in the manner God has designed specifically for us. But in order to be bold enough to walk away to "proclaim the good news", we must know the Word and live the Word. 

God has prepared us to possess His promises, prophecies and plans, but we have to be strong and courageous by obeying Him as we live the Word.

How God Sees Us

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling;
   there is no flaw in you." Solomon 4:7

Many of us do not understand how much God loves us, how He thinks of us and how He sees us. Since we don’t see ourselves from God’s perspective, we can easily be lied to and manipulated by the enemy. We are robbed of our joy - the joy which we need to give to those around us who have no joy.  When our joy is taken from us, our strength also goes.  

God created each of us for a specific purpose that only we can do. He has brought us through paths that we did not want to go through, but we needed to go through to see His glory and to share His glory with others.  They were never meant to rob us of our joy. Our trials can become triumphant, if we have God guide us through them. Troubles are not without reason, they are intended to bring us to a new level in Christ.  We should not define ourselves by our troubles, but we should learn from them to redirect our thinking on the truths of God.  Then, we will be able to recognize the lies of the enemy and come into an understanding of how much God loves each of us. There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God.  He loves us even when we don't love ourselves.

The love of God builds us and gives us joy.  We need to be careful that we are not ministering to people with our feelings of being lost and lonely.  Sometimes we help people out of our need to feel better about ourselves in order to have temporary happiness. It is our pride and our wanting to boost our self-worth that serve as an impetus for us to go out to serve those in need. Right action, but wrong motive.   

With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. 2 Thessalonians 1:11

The difficult situations in our lives aids us in identifying with hurting people as we can empathize with them.  However, sometimes we are helping out of our own personal hurt, instead of our healing and our faith. We may look like we are spiritually strong because we can quote the right Bible verses, but we are actually weak because we don't live these scriptures.  Our strength is a façade to hide our weakness. 

There are many reasons we are weak - the negative words spoken over us; our need to be "someone" in our own eyes and the eyes of others; our good deeds that are not in God's will; our unforgiveness of ourselves and others; and our lack of eternal joy as we seek out temporary happiness.  We lack faith as we block the work of the Holy Spirit to empower us to fulfill the purposes of God.

We really need to know how loved and beautiful we are. We need to see ourselves from God's perspective. God sees us as worthy, not because of our works, but because of the work of His Son on the cross.  When we truly get this, then we can show others how much God loves them. They need to know.  God wants them to know and that will bring about a new level of healing and restoration in their lives. Then, they in turn will be able to go out and minister to others in a more powerful way.

But, first it begins with us. God must transform our minds and give us a new vision of ourselves and those around us.  We need to know the wonderful truths about us - How God sees us, so that He can use us to tell others how He sees them.  The truth is we are His joy and He delights in us, and He needs to be our joy and we need to delight in Him, that is the source of our strength.  

The Heart of the Matter

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9

I am concerned about my heart. Jeremiah wrote of its deceit. It seems there is no remedy for a deceitful heart. How often do we look around at those around us and wonder why they do what they do. The fact is we have to get to the heart of the matter.

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I have been writing this post for over a week now, but I didn't seem quite to be getting to the heart of the matter. It didn't seem that I had learned all I had to about the heart that I needed to before completing this post. By no means am I an expert now, but I have learned more during the last week.

One of my favorite Bible verses is:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

This verse always excited me as I anticipated God giving me all I wanted. Unfortunately, that did not happen. I have come to realize that my heart was not in the place where it needed to be. My desires never lined up with God's desires.  James said:

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.  James 4:3

King Solomon understood this all too well. He spent his life fulfilling all his cravings. Later, when he looked back at his life he admitted that all his self-gratifying works were meaningless. Far too often, we too are seeking to fulfill our desires, with all the good things in life. We seek out a nice house, a nice car,  a good looking spouse and even a church that makes us comfortable. Yet, these wants may not be what God intends  for us.  

Psalm 37 advises us to wait patiently for the Lord.  However, our yearnings lead us to move ahead of God.  We do what we want and then ask Him to bless it.  Our heart's motives are wrong as we strive to please ourselves and then we wonder why God isn't blessing us.  It is because He knows our hearts, and our hearts are not yielded to His will and His way.

Our pride gets in the way.  Second Chronicles outlines the rise and fall of King Hezekiah.  

But Hezekiah’s heart was proud and he did not respond to the kindness shown him; therefore the LORD’s wrath was on him and on Judah and Jerusalem. Then Hezekiah repented of the pride of his heart, as did the people of Jerusalem; therefore the LORD’s wrath did not come upon them during the days of Hezekiah. 2 Chronicles 32:25-26

Leaders who succumb to their pride will fall.  Regrettably, those who are under their authority also most times follow the leaders' decline. We need to repent when we have given way to pride. Repentance, however, is not just saying we are sorry, but our actions must prove that we have turned away from prideful actions, such as proving ourselves to others, or believing we should be better off because we are so gifted, or seeking people's gratitude and praise, or always being concerned about our reputation.    

Rick Elias' lyrics in his song, "Man of No Reputation" says:

It was said this man was of no reputation
Yet He could stop the rising storm
With a gesture of His hand
But He chose to use His hands to heal
Hearts of darkness, hearts of stone Just like mine would be revealed 

Jesus was a man of no reputation. Nevertheless, we his followers are so concerned about ours. We need to have Jesus reveal what is in our hearts. We should not be self-pleasing or man pleasing, but rather our aim should always be to please our Heavenly father by walking in faith and trusting Him. He will show us the heart of the matter so that we can have His heart.  

Am I God's Will?

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Sometimes I wonder why God won't give me more info on the plans He has for me. Frequently, we are faced with a myriad of choices and sometimes these choices are good. As Christians, though, our underlying question is usually, "Is this God's will for my life?"

On the other hand, we imprison ourselves by focusing on this question instead of the Person who has the answer.  We become encumbered and consumed with doing the right thing, rather than just flowing in the Spirit of God.  If we keep in mind that God's ways are not our ways, then we let God out of the box to be God and the mystery begins.  The excitement we get from putting the pieces of our life's puzzle together is simply exhilarating when we let God lead us into the unknown.  

Our life is simply miraculous when we have God reign in every aspect of our being and we are transformed more and more into His image.  This comes from spending time with Him which deepens our intimacy. When this happens, I become His will. The question then is more profound it is no longer just, "Is this God's will for my life?", but it is "Am I God's will?"