Designed to be Dad

God's creation always amazes me.  The more we get to understand through science, the more I recognize that there has to be wisdom behind our design.

Our Heavenly Father skillfully fashioned each of us for a purpose.  He created males to determine the gender of the fetus.  In essence, the chromosome from our father's sperm makes us either male or female.  From conception our fathers start to configure our identity and thereafter, continue shaping who we become.

Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward and speak lies. Psalm 58:3

Many father's tend to overlook the developmental stages of the unborn baby while in the womb, and they wait to be a "dad" when the child is born.  However, the environment the father helps to create will have an effect on the fetus, who feeds off the mother.  If the mother is in a stressful situation, the baby will feel the stress too.  I believe that a mother should be careful about what she thinks as she carries her child in the womb, as the unborn baby will also consume what the mother conceives in her mind. Whether negative or positive they will become part of the baby's soul.

As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Luke 1:44

Elizabeth was glad to see her cousin, Mary who was also pregnant, and so was the baby in her womb.  The mother has to keep herself physically healthy during pregnancy.  Furthermore, the father must ensure that the mother and his unborn child feel loved and protected as I believe feelings of rejection can begin in the womb.

Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you even at my mother’s breast. From birth I was cast upon you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God. Psalm 22:9-10

God has called fathers to be like Him - helping to bring the baby from the womb and making their newborn trust them right from the beginning.  They are responsible for their child and their baby should know them as father from in the womb and thereafter.

The father's role becomes so important in the child's formative years. Many studies have proven that if a child is not around a father figure in his or her early years, this could negatively impact the child's life. An article by North Carolina State University and North Carolina A&T State University expounded on these issues while looking at many of these studies.

A boy needs his father to help him develop his identity as a man while a girl needs her father to help her know how to interact with men while developing her femininity. Left without a father figure, children will search to discover their identity and far too often they find a false identity through the wrong person.  

The wounds of a father can be deep and have a lasting effect.  If we don't forgive our fathers and recognize we may have had an unhealthy reaction to being hurt we will be held in bondage by these wounds.  We need to look to our Heavenly father for healing and be ready to face the pain of the past so that we can look to being free and healed in our future. 

Tom Buske wrote Fathers: The Affect of Father Wounds, Fatherlessness, and the value of Fatherneed for the North American Association of Christian Social Workers. He quoted Shawn Johnson, Psychologist:   “The research is absolutely clear the one human being most capable of curbing anti-social aggression of a boy is his biological father.” Mr. Buske went on to write: My work leads me to believe their loss of their father has hurt them deeply be it in a lost sense of belonging, self-esteem, or emotional problems.

A Dad is God's design to help in the development of a child.  Fatherlessness brings about an emotionally crippled child, a cursed community, an identity nescient nation, and thus a wounded world. 

He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.” Malachi 4:6

We must build up men so they as fathers will turn their hearts to their children and the children will then be able to look to their fathers.  If not, we will be cursed.  A man has been Designed to be Dad.  We must help each man understand his purpose.

I recently watched the movie The Tentant of Wildfell Hall based on an Anne Bronte novel.  There were some very interesting scenes as they spoke about a little boy and his interaction with his mother and his need for a father to groom him to be a man. The movie is below.

Fatherhood Foremost

As I think and pray more and more about the structure of the family, I have come to realize that the father is the most important person in this unit.  Now, I would not have said this about three months ago. However, as I dig deeper into the Bible and pray that God gives me His perspective on the matter, my impaired vision has been corrected.

Definitely, the women are the ones who seem to "carry" the family in most societies, nonetheless, this was not God's intention.  God's design was that the father would define the family and to a larger extent His world.  In the beginning, Adam was assigned the task of naming the animals and birds.  God then created Eve out of Adam.

The man said,“This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; 

she shall be called Woman, 

because she was taken out of Man.”

Genesis 3:23

Adam gave Eve her identity as "woman".  Oh my goodness, this is very difficult for me to write.  I never wanted to think of a man as giving me my identity. Although, it is still very common that the family takes on the father's surname, and when a woman gets married she receives her husband's family name.  I know in our modern culture, many have chosen to deviate from this mode.  In spite of this, the father is key to an emotionally and spiritually healthy family and society.

I know that many fathers are missing or play a minor role in the family.  I believe that this has lead in many ways to the degradation of civilization, which is no longer so civil.  Men are emasculated rather than empowered.  Askmen.com looked at some TV commercials that "bashed " males, which showed them as incompetent morons. The website commented on a commercial writing,  "The moral of this story: Dads are even dumber and more childlike than their own offspring." And yet another is described as, "The cliched message is that women are the civilized voice burdened with managing men and their ingrained frat-boy mindset."

Our pop culture has to start depicting a greater respect for men, or we will continue in a conundrum.  It is innately ingrained in us that a child wants their father's approval and a woman wants to be cherished by her husband.  Yet, we have somehow managed to make the father less of a "man" and malign his role.  We need to decry this deception and trumpet the truth that Fatherhood is Foremost, no matter how unsettling it may seem.  Sometimes the truth hurts, but that does not make it any less the truth.

In the Psalms, David declared God as "Father of the fatherless" (Psalm 68:5).  Our loving God wants us to know that although we may not have a father or a right relationship with a father here on earth, He is our Father.  We can go to Him as our caring Abba (Father).  He has knitted us in our mother's womb and He will not leave us or forsake us. He gives us our identity. 

He (Jesus) said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Matthew 16:15-16

Peter understood who Jesus was - the Son of the living God. But, Jesus was also the Son of Man and the Bible delineates His lineage through Joseph, the man who God chose to be Jesus' earthly father.   God sees the father figure as important and made sure that His Son had one while on earth.

I do not want to end without saying that the mother's role is very significant. She nurtures the child into being who he or she has been created to be.  Her role has become increasing burdensome as she takes on the insurmountable task of being both mother and "father" - a role she was not created for. I applaud mothers for their perseverance in raising their children and ones who are not their own. However, it is hard for a son to learn to be a "real man" from his mother and for a daughter to feel like a "princess" without a "king" in the home.

Due to our lack of fathering, our identities have been lost.  We meander in a quandary trying to "find ourselves" in the maze of life.

Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.
Your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 
Your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. 
We are God’s children, since we are children of the resurrection. Jesus gave us the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. “We are not illegitimate children... 
The only Father we have is God himself.”
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 

Jason Upton's Father of the Fatherless

Fortunately Failing

As I look back at my life for over the past 20 months, I realize I have never failed so much or have been rejected in so many ways in all my years before.  Indeed, I have had hard times, but I have never experienced so many difficulties in such a long stretch. I have named it and claimed it with no positive results, so I have tried whining and writhing,but God has not been moved. Seriously, I would have expected God would have worked things out by now.  I know, I know...God is always on time and my ways are not His ways.  I got it, but that doesn't make my circumstances any easier. It seems that God's timing is light years away and His ways, well... are not quite the ways I would do things.

"How presumptuous of you!"one might think.  But, I presume I am not the only person whose pride has been probed by problems, or whose self-worth has been severely seared by a series of setbacks.

I comprehend the bigness of God and that He can do whatever He pleases, even though it may cause me pain.  However, I am not pleased with injurious circumstances engineered to eliminate my ego.  Undoubtedly, God knows best and remains righteous, even when I am facing the tsunamis of life.  The floods have come and washed away a lot of ME, and what is left is an open space where God can rebuild my life, repair my heart and restore my soul.

I am understanding the process of pain as it pushes out my pride and humility comes and creates its home in me. As I read Alice Smith's Beyond the Veil, I am learning to embrace my failures more, knowing that God has a plan for my life and He will get the glory in the end.  Ms. Smith recalls God asking her if she would be willing to fail for Him. This is against our culture in which we are driven to succeed and be winners.  But in God's Kingdom we will have to fail and be laughed at by others sometimes in order to gain His prize.

If I have totally surrendered my life to God then I would be willing to fail for Him. Nevertheless, I wish He had asked me just as He did Ms. Smith.  I would have loved the forewarning, yet knowing me I would have resisted and may even have denied it was the voice of God, and would have considered it as a trick of satan.

Ms. Smith quoted Jonathan Edwards as saying "Nothing sets a person so much out of the devil's reach as humility." Then she gave her own formula for getting humility - "Nothing is more effective in developing humility than failure."

God cultivates humility in me through my failures and rejections, so that He keeps me safe from the devil's wiles while becoming more like Him.  God is skillfully maneuvering me to a higher level spiritually.  My destitution is designed for me to desire God more and to destroy the devil.  Therefore, fortunately I am failing and in God's time I will fly.

Do I Really Want To Wait Patiently?

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:7


Waiting patiently has never been one of my strengths. When I take an even closer look at the above verse, it becomes even more unappealing.  Meanings for "wait patiently" are fear, tremble, travail, be in anguish, be pained, writhing, suffering torture, and to be distressed. Consequently, waiting patiently doesn't seem like something that I would like to do.


Nevertheless, God tells us to do so, because He wants us to know Him better. Psalm 46:10 says "Be still, and know that I am God". When we know more about God and His nature, we then get a deeper understanding that although we may face distressing circumstances they are no match for our Mighty Loving Father, who will be exalted among the nations and the earth (Ps. 46:10).  For this reason, David tells us "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." Psalm 37:7


David understood waiting for God's promise while suffering.  It took 13 years from Saul's anointing him for this young shepherd to become king.  He was on the run like a fugitive, slept in caves and experienced loss and other horrific situations.  There are times when David felt like losing hope as he cried out, "Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed." Psalm 119:115, yet he knew, "No one whose hope is in you (the Lord) will ever be put to shame". Psalm 25:3


The Lord also waits on us.  Gideon asked the Lord not to leave before he brought back his offering to set before Him.  And the Lord said, "I will wait until you return." Judges 6:18 

Can you imagine? My All-Powerful God will wait on me.  Hey, if He waited on Gideon, He will wait on me.  His purpose for waiting  on Gideon was not only that He was expecting an offering, but that Gideon desired to know that it was really God speaking to Him so he could do His will.

God wants to reveal Himself to me, but it seems that most times I only draw closer to Him when I am in anguish.  During periods of prosperity, I tend to forget Him. However, in my difficult situations I seek God out for answers.  

God is love and 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 describes God as it characterizes love.  The NKJV begins with love suffers long. Breaking it down, this means if God is love and love suffers long, then God suffers long as He waits on me to be aligned with His will for my life.

When you love someone you never want to hurt them and you want to move heaven and earth to make them happy.  So if I love God, I will do the same, even if I have to suffer long and endure all things even if they cause me to writhe in misery.

The good news is that God has purpose for this travail.  There are other meanings for "wait patiently" such as to dance, to be brought forth and to be born. Hallelujah!!!  God tells us to wait with expectation because something is being born within us. Like a mother we labor in pain, giving birth to our expected promise. Then, God would have turned our "mourning  into dancing" Psalm 30:11 


David experienced this. 
¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
   he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
   out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
   and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
   a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
   and put their trust in the LORD.  Psalm 40:1-3


Your wait is not in vain,
No matter how much the pain.
God knows the plans
So, put your life in His hands,
That long seemingly unbearable wait,
Is actually your way to an open gate
Don't give up, keep the faith
It may look like God is late
But, just you wait...the reward is surely great!!!
--- Me

Your Wait

Sweet Suffering

I have asked many times, "Why would a loving God allow suffering?"

After years of pondering this question, I can't say I have a good answer, but I do have a better understanding of why a loving God would allow suffering.

Looking at my own life, I recognize that even though I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, God has always been with me. I remember on 9/11 walking through the thick dust after the two planes had hit.  I was on a subway train when it stopped its run, letting out all passengers at Wall Street because there was dust and smoke in the tunnels.  As I emerged from the subway station I was enveloped by blinding dust. I was unaware of what was happening and wondered what was going on.  I followed the crowd not knowing where I was going. Something was definitely not right and I did not know what.  Suddenly I heard clanging sounds coming closer, then right in front of me I could see police crossing the street in riot gear.  What was happening?  I still had no clue.  While crossing one of the main streets, I looked to my right and I saw abandoned cars covered in dust. That's when I thought that this must be what the shadow of death was like.  Out of nowhere I heard planes overhead, people started running and screaming.  I ran also, in spite of not knowing where I was going.  I thought I was going to die.

I didn't die, but my life has never been the same.  The events that unfolded on that infamous day, left the whole world in shock.  Suffering became an intimate enemy.  A good friend died among thousands that day. Hearing many stories of how people escaped death, raised questions of why God had not created circumstances for my friend and others to survive.

My ways are not God's ways, but if I were God I would do things differently.  Being all-powerful, I would alleviate suffering.  But, would that be a good thing?  In theory no more pain and suffering sounds fantastic.  However, without knowing sorrow how could we truly understand joy?  Without war how could we comprehend peace?  Without hate how could we cherish love?  Without suffering how could we truly experience the glory of God?

But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. Hebrews 2:9-10

Our Savior suffered for us. This was His purpose and He did it for love. Being a Christian doesn't guarantee us of not suffering, actually it guarantees us that we will suffer.  However, God also suffers as we suffer.  Jeremiah cried out to Him, "You understand, O LORD; remember me and care for me. Avenge me on my persecutors. You are long-suffering—do not take me away; think of how I suffer reproach for your sake."  Jeremiah 15:15


Jeremiah knew God is long-suffering and God tells us to be long-suffering also.  Another word used for "patient" in some Bible translations is "long-suffering".  Now, you know why I don't pray for patience.  But, God seems to keep on answering prayers I do not pray and I get what I do not want - long-suffering.  Yet it is fruit of the spirit along with love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  It is a necessary part of our walk with Christ as we take up our cross daily and share in His sufferings for the glory of God.

Therefore, among God’s churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring. All this is evidence that God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering. God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you. 2 Thessalonians 1:4-6

We are Kingdom bound, and trouble is along the path to get there.  I may not be happy about the circumstances in my life, but I can have joy despite the circumstances, knowing that God is just and right. Suffering is in His will for me, whether I like it or not.  We all have to suffer in some way or the other, however we can choose our attitude through suffering.  I am not going to go looking for suffering, since it will find me in time.  And when it does, I will look at it as Sweet Suffering, knowing that its purpose is not only to make me like Jesus, but also to bring me to Him.

John Piper speaks about suffering